


Instinct Or Something Like It

by HobbitFeels



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Ableist Language, Bilbo is not oblivious, M/M, Thorin is also not oblivious, Thorin may be OOC, movieverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitFeels/pseuds/HobbitFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin is proud to figure out that Bilbo has feelings for him.  He is surprised to learn how deep they go.  He is even more surprised to learn he has some of his own.  </p><p>Un-beta'd.  All mistakes are mine.  All characters are someone else's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Each *** denotes a switching of POV. Only using POV of Thorin and Bilbo.

The company had decided to make camp after the eagles set them down. Dinner was being prepared and Thorin had some time to sort his thoughts. He found himself stealing frequent glances at Bilbo who kept returning to the forefront of his mind. He had noticed him before, pretty as he was, but there was something about the selflessness of the hobbit's actions that sent his mind into hyperactivity. Not even his loved ones ran to his defense--not that they hadn't troubles of their own at the time--so what pushed Bilbo to act so passionately? The answer Thorin kept coming back to was that Bilbo had to have a care for him beyond just the duty of his being their hired burglar. When did Bilbo develop feelings for him? How, even? It wasn't as though Thorin was particularly kind in those early days of the journey. There was much to consider and so many conversations to replay with this new epiphany. 

Thorin was so busy analyzing the potential genesis of Bilbo's feelings for him that he didn't even pause to consider _why_ he was so content to dig into this all so deeply in the first place. There were many much larger things at hand that should take precedence. He stole another look at Bilbo across the fire to where he was seated next to Bofur, laughing wildly at who knows what. Bilbo's eyes met Thorin's while the former was in mid-giggle and the halfling's eyes softened. He looked down for a moment and then back up, giving the dwarf a smile that Thorin knew was just for him. He gave Bilbo a deep nod. The two of them held the gaze a few moments longer before Gandalf asked Thorin to discuss the next leg of the journey.

***

The new attitude of the would-be King Under The Mountain did not go unnoticed by Bilbo. People assumed because the hobbit was quietly introspective (or maybe because he was small) that he was oblivious to the goings on of the world around him. He figured someone would have to be made of pretty dense rock to not see that Thorin had treated him differently since that whole terrifying affair with the white orc. He was also sure he knew why. His mother used to tell him, "It is awful hard to not like someone who likes you so much." Bilbo figured that it was equally as hard to dislike someone who had jumped in front of a warg for you, too. Either way, he was glad for the change of heart. Thorin's unkind moments with him were too frequent in the early stages of the mission. They had a particular sting because Bilbo felt, well, **felt** for their leader. There was something about Thorin's determination in the face of tragedy after tragedy that made Bilbo ache. From the very start, he had an urge so strong it seemed almost instinct to stand with this noble (and handsome) dwarf as he stared down incredible odds. The hobbit would have moments of clarity from time to time where he wondered just what he was doing and how he managed to get HERE. It was so...so...unBagginslike. Every time he questioned why, his gut would answer his brain: "Thorin Oakenshield." 

***

Gandalf cleverly secured the company a brief respite at the home of Beorn through a smart telling of their tale and well-timed arrivals of those in the party. Thorin thought it a bit silly at the time, but after all was said and done he realized it may have been the only way to get someone like Beorn to take a large group of strangers into his care. Thorin decided to suspend suspicion for once and trust Gandalf's judgement about this immense man. It was going to be quite pleasant to have time for everyone to rest, heal, eat, and feel safe--particularly Bilbo. 

The hobbit was not far from his thoughts. Whenever Bilbo spoke to him, Thorin paid as much attention to the tone of his voice and the look on his face as he did to the actual words. He took note of how often the halfling glanced his way, counted each soft smile, and marked the frequency of all attempts at conversation. He was fascinated by this person who was fascinated by him. "Now that's a funny thing," he mused. 

Everyone had a chance to fill their bellies and went their own ways after dinner. Oin, Bombur, and Balin chose to go to bed although it was only sunset. They were incredibly grateful for sleeping on something other than hard earth and had no desire to wait a moment longer. Bofur, Dwalin, and Gloin were sitting next to the fire deep in conversation. Fili and Kili had also paired off in a great, soft chair that Beorn had in his front room, similarly occupied. Ori was busy taking advantage of having a table on which to write and was scribbling as fast as his hand could carry his thoughts. Bifur was engaged an a rather energetic game of charades that Dori and Nori were yet to decipher. Thorin was pleased that they had this night of warmth and companionship with one another. The journey had been very difficult. But where was Bilbo?

***

Bilbo was sitting just outside the back door of Beorn's house and admiring the garden in the rapidly diminishing light. He was taking in the evening in a way he had not had the luxury to since they were in Rivendell. A part of him supposed he should be in socializing with the rest of the group, but he wanted to be alone to think through his recent interactions with Thorin. Sometimes the assumption of his obliviousness worked in his favor. He was pretty sure Thorin had no idea that Bilbo knew full well that he was being studied. Some hobbits might resent such a thing. Bilbo himself may have resented such a thing several weeks ago. Right now, he welcomed the attention. It was the "why" of this increased study that puzzled him. He knew he didn't make any extra effort to hide his care for the dwarf. He considered it at one point. He even gave it a try. It felt wrong...almost disrespectful. He decided that it would be better to be himself in the long run. So perhaps Thorin's scrutiny of him was to assess Bilbo's intention and figure out what to do about it. 

His Baggins side whispered, "Do? Why would he do anything? The only thing he may do is hold his tongue and save your damn pride by not calling you out."  
But his Took side! His Took side told him, "His looks linger even longer than his touches. There is more than kindness in his eyes for you."  
"Bah," spat the Baggins side. "Perhaps a thankfulness. A feeling of indebtedness, even. But that isn't enough to land your fool head on the pillow of a king!"  
His Took side was rather confident. "I'm good enough to be the burglar of a king, to be a traveler with the king, to be a fighter along side the king, even the savior of the king! Yes, why shouldn't I be granted the bed of a king if we both wished it?"  
"That's the thing, isn't it? If you _both_ wished it," the Baggins side countered.  
Bilbo shook his head. "This is so silly. I'm arguing with myself over maybes and why nots. I may as well just say, 'If Thorin is interested in me, he will come looking for me right now!'" He huffed a laugh at the ridiculousness of it. But it was his Tookish side that had him peek over his shoulder to see if anyone was heading his direction. Hmmm...nobody. Perhaps he should have waited for a star to wish upon. 

A short while later a slight shiver went through him. The sun had gone down and there was a bit of a chill in the air.  
"You seem a little cold, Master Baggins. Permit me to assist you." Thorin sat down close alongside the halfling, sharing part of his cloak with him. This gave him an entirely different sort of shiver.  
"Oh! How long have you been standing there?" ("Yes, yes, yes!" said his inner Took. "Oh shut up," said his inner Baggins)  
"Only just now. I was able to count heads of all the members of our company but you. I thought I might find you out here admiring the garden."  
"Lucky guess." Bilbo smiled.  
Thorin chuckled and purposefully bumped into Bilbo's side.  
Bilbo was not sure what to do with this almost chipper version of Thorin. He smiled and gave him a half-shrug. 

***

Thorin was pulled by something within him to seek out the hobbit this evening. The official reason was to finish the headcount but he felt that it was more than that. He had questions. Quite a few, actually. Some of which he was half-afraid to hear the answers. Bilbo's smile and signature shrug gave him a warm feeling that helped loose his curious tongue.  
"Bilbo, I would have you tell me what compelled you to intervene on my behalf during the last battle."  
"I don't know, actually. I suppose it was the same thing that had me running like a fool through The Shire trying to catch up with all of you the morning you set out. Instinct."  
"Instinct? You had an instinct to join the company? Not to offend you, Master Hobbit, but surely you misspeak. Instinct is not decided or learned. It is inborn, and at its core it is self-preservation. I daresay that neither leaving home on our quest nor jumping into that fight were even in the realm of self-preservation." Thorin knew the halfling was educated but his answer made no sense to his way of thinking. 

***  
Bilbo thought carefully before answering. His first inclination was to tell Thorin exactly where the cow ate the cabbage at the suggestion that he misused a word. The greater scope of the question meant that Bilbo would have to explain something to the dwarf that he barely could explain to himself. A Bilbo from an earlier month probably would not have bothered. It would be awkward, uncomfortable, and not a small amount of scary. Bilbo Now, though...Bilbo Now had almost met a terrible end more times than he wanted to count. He was saved at least once by a dwarf that he cared for in a way that he did not yet have the words to name. He watched that same dwarf almost die, and they all may die yet. Who knows when he will run out of tomorrows to speak his heart? Bilbo Now decided to say what he wanted to say, for better or for worse. He would rather deal with repercussions than regret his silence a different day.

"No, I did not misspeak. And yes you did offend but I shall ignore that for the moment. I had a very life-or-death feeling the morning you left without me. I felt relief that you all had gone. Also felt a bit of anger when I saw my pantry too, if you'd like to know, but mostly relief. Then I saw the contract. I saw the contract with your signature. Something inside me clenched when I saw your name--truly, I felt it in my stomach up to my throat--and that was that. I honestly do not even remember packing. The next thing I knew, I was jumping over fences across The Shire. It wasn't a decision. It just...was." He paused to study Thorin's face. There was a look there that he did not recognize but it gave him courage to continue. "It was the same when I saw you face the pale orc. When you advanced on him, something inside of me was screaming. When you were about to...I just...there was, there was nothing else I could do. I cannot explain it fully. I can't even say I knew what I was doing. I just did it." Bilbo's eyes were wet with unspilled tears at the memory of his terror. "Thorin, I could not lose you. Not at that moment, not at any if there is any breath left in me to prevent it. Keeping you safe _is_ self-preservation to me."

***  
Thorin's head swam. It is one thing to figure things out on one's own and quite another to hear them with one's own ears. His stomach felt as though it were turning over and over. Bilbo's face was so proud when he was speaking but now he just looked at Thorin with an expression that grew more anxious with each second the dwarf did not speak. Thorin suddenly had less words now than he ever had. It hit him then like a great hammer: The whole time he was pondering Bilbo's feelings, the dwarf had not realized he had fallen for him in turn! And now the sweet, brave hobbit was sitting so very close to him, truly baring his soul. Thorin turned to Bilbo completely and slid a hand up his neck to cup his chin, leaning in to press his forehead to the halfling's. He whispered, "Oh, Bilbo..." and laid a soft kiss on those lips.


	2. Instinct Or Something Like It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo has spoken his heart and now awaits Thorin's reply. Thorin tries, he really does.
> 
> Un-beta'd. All mistakes are mine. All characters are someone else's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each *** denotes a switching of POV. Only using POV of Thorin and Bilbo.
> 
> We start this round with Bilbo.

***

Bilbo felt Thorin gently press a kiss to his lips. He leaned in to return it with a soft sigh in the back of his throat. He was not entirely surprised by this turn of events, although this certainly _was_ among the better outcomes of the scenarios he played through his mind when it came to he and Thorin. He had hoped with all the Tookish part of his heart that Thorin's study of him was because Bilbo had caught his eye in the way that the dwarf had caught his. He tried to not get too ahead of himself, though. After all, he was not sure what Thorin would say to him when they pulled apart. He did know that if he only ever had this one kiss between them that he would draw strength from its memory for all the challenges to come.

***

Thorin drew back slightly from the kiss so he could touch his forehead to the hobbit's, "Bilbo, I am honored. I confess that I had figured out as of late that you harbored an...affection for me, but you speak of something deeper, stronger. To have the loyalty and the service of one such as yourself is great indeed. It is now my burden to earn this honor you have bestowed upon me." Reaching to clasp the back of the hobbit's neck, Thorin smiled gently and leaned back to look at him. Bilbo had lost the blissful expression he wore not moments before. 

"Bilbo?" Thorin wondered what he said wrong.

"M-my service?"

"Of course. Entire kingdoms have not been so lucky and yet here I am--a king with no kingdom--gifted with a loyalty such as yours." Thorin felt proud as he spoke but the look on Bilbo's face grew ever darker. Something was going horribly wrong but Thorin could not figure it out.

"I opened my heart to you, you _kissed me_ , and now you speak of loyalty and service as though you were speaking to one of your lieutenants. Is this another one of those cultural things that no one has explained to me?"

Oh. _Oh_. 

"Bilbo, for more years than I wish to count I have not had a kingdom. I have had nothing more than a homesickness, a name of a royal line with no home, a mere birthright. I set out on this quest to reclaim a homeland not only for myself and my line but all the surviving peoples of Erebor. It is no small thing to re-establish a dwarven home in the mountain--against a dragon no less--and even though the journey's end would benefit a great many of my people, all I could get to follow me were a handful of miners, kin, old warriors, and toy makers. Although it hurt my heart and my pride that no one else was willing to come with me to reclaim our home, I would take any one of those who came over a hundred warriors because they are the ones who answered the call. Loyalty, honor, and strength of heart...these things are more important to me than you even know." Thorin paused to look at Bilbo. The hobbit was listening attentively but he could still see a bit of confusion in his face. 

"You had no reason to help us take the mountain back. At first, I thought it was something the wizard said that had you imagining children's tales of adventure. When you stayed with us even though the danger was made real, I thought it was the promise of treasure that kept you with us. Now I know from your heart what it is that truly keeps you here. I would have you know I treasure that beyond all the mithril in the mountain. I say service and that may lose something in translation from my culture to yours but please know to me it is of the greatest gifts you could give me. For someone who is beautiful, educated, gentle, and used to things like pocket handkerchiefs to be willing to follow me nearly into death in the rain and in the cold to reclaim a home that isn't even his...that cannot be measured."

Bilbo smiled at Thorin then, reaching up to hold the dwarf's arm that still cradled the hobbit's neck. Bilbo's smile was still sad, though sweet. Resigned would probably be a better word for it. Thorin did not understand. He had been making what he thought were great declarations of his love and affection. After what Bilbo just told him, he would have thought Bilbo to be overjoyed by Thorin's words of honor and heart. 

***  
Bilbo's Baggins side was almost deafening in his brain. "One little kiss and you were thinking you were the Hobbit Prince of Erebor. I told you it was gratitude, my lad, and that is all it was. He was formally welcoming you into his company but most certainly not into his bed." Bilbo could not deny the genuine affection and softness in Thorin's eyes that seemed to him to be love but he kept hearing words like "loyalty" and "service." As Thorin explained things further, it seemed that he did have a special place in his heart for the hobbit but Bilbo was not hearing what he had hoped he would when Thorin first dipped in to kiss him. As he touched Thorin's arm and felt him close, he mustered up his best "at your service" smile for the dwarf, trying to show him he understood. He noted Thorin now wore a curious expression. The dwarf seemed a bit confused at first, then more resolute. 

Thorin's voice was determined but gentle when he spoke again. "I would have you know that I, too, would defend you to the very end. Keeping you safe is instinct to me as well." 

***  
Thorin's looked hard at Bilbo, trying to will him to understand what he was saying. He put both his arms around the hobbit, one hand tangling itself firmly in his hair.

"If you wish it, we would not just be fighting to win back my home or the dwarves' home. It could be your home, too. If you would have it. If you would have...me."

The hobbit suddenly and firmly fastened to Thorin's mouth told him that Bilbo finally understood what he had been trying to say. Thorin held his hobbit tightly and kissed him back with all he had within him. He definitely did not want Bilbo to misunderstand him once again.

***  
Bilbo's Took side squealed. " Yes! Yes! Yes! I knew it! Kiss that dwarf like your life depended on it!"

"Oh would you just shut up," said the Baggins side. But there's only so grumpy even a Baggins can be when tongue kissing Thorin Oakenshield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~ Thank you all for being sweet and encouraging with this first foray of mine into fandom fic. I appreciated all the comments on the first chapter so much! ~~~


End file.
